A Half-Assed Post for a Not-So-Half-Assed Beer

Coming up on your left, you'll note a fine website with a professional layout, consistent content updates and writers who pride themselves on perfection and quality. On your right, you'll see a half-drunk oaf with a shabby blog forged from the ultra basic template designs offered by Google, who is less concerned with layout and more with laying about.

Right, so, I had another beer.

This new beer just happens to combine two varieties of beer I particularly enjoy; raspberry ales and porters. The result is...a raspberry porter. Once you have returned your jaw from its dropped location to a normal, neutral position, allow me to offer my opinion, and provide you with a brief, not-so-enlightening commentary on Tree Brewing's rather yummy Raspberry Porter.

Oh dear. I've given it away with that last little blurb. Review done, I suppose, jolly good job to all involved (that would be me).

Anyways, yes, this new (I say new because I favour the path of ignorance) raspberry porter is quite good, and a bit of a surprise. On the initial sip, you may not know exactly what to expect. Sure, any reasonable beer connoisseur (that's 'snob' to the Budweiser-swilling pikies of the world) would expect a syrupy dose of delicious from a porter, and a, uh...raspberry-y taste of...raspberries from a raspberry ale. But combine the two, and the result is interesting. It reminds me of a certain rather sweet, very thick cider I once had. In that respect, the flavour, feel and finish are very good.

My only fear, I suppose, is that this particularly porter strays a bit too far from traditional beer. It's quite sweet, it's very smooth, and the taste is very fruity. An untrained tongue may take it for something other than a beer. No. I know what you're thinking, and I'll dare not suggest this tastes like the most reviled of all alcoholic beverages (the satanic works known to most as 'coolers').

Still, as a porter, it works, and as a raspberry flavoured beer, it also works. Strangely, raspberry seems to be the addition that is really working out for the world of beer. With some exceptions (here's looking at you Granville Island). Chocolate...make some space in your life.




No doubt at this point you're expecting my usual thorough and scientific review. Are you going to get it? Hell no. Why? Because I bloody well don't feel like it this time.

(Also because I'm doing this quite late at night, I have been drinking, I didn't actually do this review as a proper beer cruise, and I'm lacking in both visuals and overwhelming passion for this particular beer.)

Long Live the King!

Hefeweizen fans...rejoice.  Your new King is crowned.

For those of you who deem themselves 'beer folk', chances are you know of the little brewery with the big bottles known as Howe Sound Brewery.  These guys can make a malt liquor, let me tell you.  Not only can they make beer of extremely high quality with a huge (and I do mean huge, as well as ever-expanding) variety, but they offer it in only one form: 1 litre, resealable bottles.  It's quite brilliant; on the off chance that you're a responsible sort of chap that won't drink an entire litre of (often high percentage) beer before going on a lovely summer cruise down to the lakeside or over to a friend's house to watch Game of Thrones for the fourth time, then you have the option to easily reseal your delicious beer for future consumption.  Oh but how technology does evolve!

You may have noticed that the bottle is empty.  What you didn't notice was
that this is the fourth bottle I've got.  King Heffy annexed my life in the name
of the realm.  True story.

So, onto the beer in question.  In case you are blind, and are using a braille monitor, the beer that has the honour of gracing the spotlight of Beer Cruise this week is none other than King Heffy.  And where oh where do I begin with my praise for this outstanding beer?



Let's not bandy words; this is the best hefeweizen I've had the pleasure of tasting.  Now, such things are certainly subjective, and some people (particularly those heathens of the non-hefeweizen-fan variety) may not care for His Majesty as a beer.  However, as a self-proclaimed hefeweizen connoisseur, I have to say King Heffy is exceptional.  Truth be told, most of what Howe Sound produces is extremely good, but there is a very good reason why this latest entry has a two time gold medal champion announcement located on the label.  It really is that good.

What you get from your initially seemingly hefty purchase of 8 dollars (in BC) is a whole litre of cloudy, unfiltered, liquefied ecstasy.  Every drink, whether sip or swallow, is practically exploding with flavour.  Hints of citrus, banana and cloves are all present, and more pronounced than what you get from a standard heff.  And that's not all, because beer purists may rejoice, as (to my knowledge) King Heffy is made in the traditional German wheat beer fashion; that is to say, there's nothing added for flavour, as all the subtle tastes come entirely from the brewing and fermenting process.  Knowledge is power!

Time to get technical.

Taste:  There can be only one word if only one word was used to describe it:  explosive!  Hints of banana, citrus and cloves are all present, as you'd expect from a hefeweizen, but what you may not expect is just how wonderfully potent it all is.

Aroma:  Good, but entirely overshadowed by the excellent tastes.

Aftertaste:  While it's difficult to point out a distinct, individual aftertaste, the flavour of the beer continues to be complex and dynamic well after the initial swig.  Don't expect something boring.

Recommended?:  I'd recommend King Heffy almost as much as I'd recommend breathing a substance containing approximately 78% nitrogen and 20% oxygen.  That's air, for you simpletons that just coloured in your science text books instead of reading them.

Verdict:  Awesome.  In just every way.  I love Howe Sound to begin with, what with the unique bottle, the unbelievable variety, the excellent and consistent quality, and the fact that they're a relatively local brewery.  This is one hell of a beer, and an absolutely stellar hefeweizen.

Score:  10 mugs out of 10.

Um...I...uh...

So at this point, I'd just love to inform the lot of you on what great beer to try next.  And lo and behold I have been both cruising and drinking beer.  No doubt you are now feeling that inevitability of an impending 'but'.

But...while I did enjoy a selection of tasty new beverages, it ended up being something of a farce, ending with me being so far under the influence that I thought sobriety was a technical term for "here, have another".  However, not all is lost, as I can report on the initial two beers that I tried.  They are from the newly formed Wolf Brewing Company, formerly known as Fat Cat.

I unfortunately do not have photos available for either beer, due in part to the fact that Wolf Brewing's website is not yet available, but largely due to the aforementioned drunkeness.

Don't blame me for lack of photos; just look at their website.  Well, okay, blame me, as I did have a
camera on hand and plans to take a few shots.

The first beer was the Black Tail dark malt porter.  Not quite what I expected from a porter, it certainly has a good amount of flavour, even if I'm not necessarily entirely won over by it.  It pushes all the right buttons otherwise, with a good nose and syrupy consistency, but in truth, the environment was full of distractions and not right for a proper review.  I would absolutely try it again, if only because stouts, porters and dark lagers tend to be on my A-list of beers, and I'm always looking for a new top dog.  Get it?  Wolf Brewing?  Top dog?  

Taste:  Good, but not outstanding.  Requires a re-evaluation.

Aroma:  Again, quite good, but not entirely memorable.

Aftertaste:  None.  Lacks complexity for a porter.

Recommended?:  If you're a fan of porters or dark beers, then yes.  Otherwise, most likely a pass.

Verdict:  Definitely worth a look, especially if you're curious about Wolf Brewing and tend to favour the darker beers.  They also have a dark lager available, which I will touch on below.  All in all, this is certainly not the best porter I've tried, but it's still reasonable.  I definitely need to try it again to get an accurate assessment, and may well revisit this review in light of such.

Score:  6.5 mugs out of 10.




The second beer was one that was arduously recommended to me by a charlatan, er, I mean friend.  It is Wolf Brewing's take on a dark lager, dubbed Woodcutter.  Now, sadly, at this point, I really cannot remember much about this beer.  However, the one thing to take away from that is that I am a big fan of dark lagers, and I had only had the Black Tail before drinking the Woodcutter, so sobriety was still very fresh in my mind.  What is telling about this is that it seems as though it was entirely forgettable and lacked any sort of impression on me at the time.  Granted, this review is incredibly skewed, and yes, just like the Black Tail, I fully intend on trying the Woodcutter again to make a proper evaluation of its prowess.  But for now, I can only conclude that this dark lager does what it says on the tin (bottle, in this case) and nothing more.  It is, as the label claims, a dark lager, but the sort of quality you'd expect from a more mainstream brewery, in truth.

Taste:  What can I say?  Not one thing stood out about it.

Aroma:  I admit, I was not paying attention to this, but I really can't imagine that a forgettable taste would produce anything more than a forgettable aroma.

Aftertaste:  No.

Recommended?:  Well, it's not like it's bad.  However, there's no basis I can really recommend this on.  There are better dark lagers available for those that enjoy that kind of beer, and there are better summer selections available for those that aren't particular.

Verdict:  In the defense of Wolf Brewing, I can't make an honest judgement here since I wasn't really giving the Woodcutter my full attention at the time.  However, the issue here is that even if I was not focusing on a beer, and was as sober as I was, an exceptional beer would have drawn my attention very easily.  The Woodcutter did not.  But, in fairness, I will be trying it again to give it a second chance, because of my dicey review.

Score:  6 mugs out of 10.

So there you have it.  Two incredibly awkward and inconclusive reviews.  Hopefully, in the near future, I'll have a beer to write about that I can really invoke some passion and excitement into.

And that future may be nearer than you think...

Long live the King.

Define 'Tomorrow'

Okay so I may have ballsed it up a bit on my claim I'd immediately follow up my cruising post with one on the various beers that I tried on that particular trip.  Humblest apologies to all three of my readers.

Anyways, I suppose it's that time.

Immediately, I must present perhaps the most important point I have to make.  And that point involves the following:

Mmmm yes.  Glorious.  Yes, it's a beer.  But not just any beer.  That, ladies and...oh who am I kidding; just gentlemen...THAT is a hefeweizen.  That's German for "So good I've lost control of my bodily functions".

For those of you philistines that don't know, a hefeweizen is a German wheat beer, obviously much lighter than its very dark dunkelweizen brethren, and is meant to taste of bananas and cloves, without any addition of either in truth (the taste comes directly from the brewing and fermenting process).  The result is something rather unbelievably delicious for summer.  On a hot day, I can't think of anything quite as refreshing as a good hef.  Move over water!  Yes, even the incredible raspberry ale I reviewed earlier, while excellent, doesn't quite hit on the level of a quality hefeweizen.

So who wins the coveted "Hefeweizen of summer 2011 according to this guy" award?  Well, quite boringly, Longwood once again takes the cake.  I only tried a few this year, including from the brand new brewery in Tofino, aptly named "Tofino Brewing", as well as another from a microbrewery on Granville Island which I cannot quite remember the name of.  And no, Mr. Smartiepants, it's not Granville Island Brewing, as their hefeweizen is little more than a last resort in lieu of having no other hefs to chose from.  And while on the subject, their raspberry ale should be avoided like the plague...that is, unless you enjoy raspberry ales that don't taste of raspberry, have a ghastly pink label and leave you feeling the fool with 5 more undrinkable bottles after you've managed to soldier your way through the first.

Moving on then, because I did try other tasty malts besides just hefs.  And that includes perhaps my most cherished of all beer.  I feel like this needs a loud and raucous introduction.

Yes, Imperial Stouts (Russian or otherwise).  Also yes, that was done in about 2 minutes with MS Paint, and finally yes, that is indeed one of those flaming text generators everyone thought was cool about 150 years ago.  Stouts...are just the best thing.  Not only are they delicious and high in alcoholic content, but they're utterly manly as all hell to boot.  Have one of these, and it'll put some hair on your chest.  Thus the only ladies I can recommend this to are lesbians.



Among them was Old Rasputin, widely accepted to be one of, if not the, best Russian Imperial Stouts available.  With 75 IBUs, 9% alcohol, a look like black honey, and a taste that will cause your cerebral cortex to implode in on itself, it certainly plays its part quite well.  I'd have to try even more stouts to make an accurate judgement, but thus far, yes, it's probably the best stout I've had, easily ahead of several still-great stouts like Howe Sound's Pothole Filler, and absolutely miles ahead of more mainstream stouts like Guinness (*prepares anti-Irish defenses*).








I feel like perhaps this is a good place to end it.  All this talk of the beer types I am most enamored with has given me a...a hunger.  Or perhaps that would be a thirst.  Perhaps more later!

Down But Not Out

Fear not!  Beer Cruise shall continue, despite my sudden and unannounced chasmic lack of content.

Well well, I've been busy.  Busy cruising, busy enjoying terrific beer...but sadly not mixing the two.  I know, right?  Just what kind of writer for the esteemed and renowned blog of Beer Cruise am I?  Truth be told, there's been more than just beer and cruising going on, but just because the two have not collided during that time doesn't mean I have nothing to say on either.

That's right, I bring you discussion on beer and cruising.  Indeed, these CAN be separate entities.  Once the initial shock of this revelation has passed, and you have picked yourself up off the floor, you may proceed to read on for this particular blog entry.

An excellent summary for the West Coast experience as a whole.

So just where was I?  In terms of where I was cruising, that would be Tofino, BC, right on the west coast of Vancouver Island.  Perhaps, per capita, the most cruiser-friendly place *queue best Jeremy Clarkson impression*...in the world!  Well, certainly in my experience it is.  Good lord, the amount of cruisers was jaw dropping.  Even the resort I was staying at had a good 20 or so delectable Electra cruisers available for renting.  In the town proper, cruisers seem to be the primary mode of transportation.  Understandable, for a tiny town that revolves almost entirely around tourism, fishing and surfing.  Perhaps the only drawback to this is the fact that you just don't stand out while riding your cruiser.  Worse is that I have a basic model, so there were people in droves outdoing me on the flash end of things.  Fenders and baskets and paint jobs oh my!  Still, it's nice to feel at home.

This is practically pornography.

And that only covers the little town of Tofino.  The big picture is that this is the Pacific Rim National Park.  The cruising options are endless.  However, without a doubt, the biggest cruising draw is the beaches.  Vast, seemingly endless fields and oceans of incredibly smooth sand.  And the views range from excellent to spectacular, depending on the weather.  Riding your cruiser down a stretch of sandy glory, dabbling into the surf and dodging the waves, you may want to brace yourself for an epiphany or three.

Indeed, it's difficult to think of more captivating cruising locales than the west coast of Vancouver Island, but while we're on the subject of cruisers and cruising locations, let us bring our attention to Vancouver proper.  Perhaps I just hadn't noticed it last time I was there, or perhaps the revolution has only just begun, but my my, Vancouver itself is quite the cruiser friendly town now.  I've always liked Vancouver and the surrounding area, but indeed this little observation has knocked it up a few more rungs.  There's not many big cities I could feel at home in, but without a doubt Vancouver solidifies itself perhaps as the number one choice.

Tomorrow, I shall discuss the many delicious malts I discovered in my time on the west coast.  I could indeed delve into it right now, but I feel like the Cruise portion of Beer Cruise deserves a little more love and exclusivity than the nothing it's had up until this point.

Neither cruiser nor beer graces this photograph.  Still not half bad though.