And Then There Were Two

Please, if the lot of you would kindly form an orderly line and turn in your pitchforks and torches, I can present my next (and yes, overdue) submission.

Yeah yeah dispense with the comments of negligence and laziness; I'm here to entertain your fascination with irreverent and silly beer reviews.  To help to alleviate some of my transgression against punctuality, I have opted to hold a double feature for this evening's main event.  Sadly, it will infuriate the 'spurgers, because this week will once again focus on Victoria's own Lighthouse Brewery.  However, worry not, because of the two beers I have selected, one is a type I normally find boring, and the other is a type I normally find repulsive.  This ought to be interesting...

Lighthouse Overboard Imperial Pilsner

Need to start remembering
to take my own photos
before drinking the bloody
beer.

Ah, how I do enjoy seeing that label "Imperial" slapped onto just about any malt beverage.  'Imperial', for those of you who aren't aware, is synonymous with 'awesome'.  Basically, so far as I can tell, it indicates a more intense flavour accompanied by a higher alcohol content.  In other words...sign me up.

So it should be no surprise that this first beer is subject to the wonderful Imperial title.  It is indeed an Imperial Pilsner, admittedly the first of its kind that I've ever tried.  Pilsners, for me, have always been a bit on the boring side.  Not that there's anything wrong with them, but I never find them particularly exciting or diverse.  This one, however, demands a reevaluation.

Like any good twist on an existing beer type, this Imperial pilsner is not predictable.  You won't take a sip and completely forget what you're drinking.  On the contrary; you'll instead take a sip, then furl your eyebrows in wondrous confusion, followed by a completely arbitrary and pointless closer examination of the bottle, as if that will do anything to explain the situation.  It won't; just accept the mystery and intrigue of this beer.  This isn't necessarily the sort of beer I would generally get on a regular basis, but it is one I recommend for pilsner fans, or indeed anyone looking for something a little bit original that is derived from something that is not.

Taste:  Like any pilsner, it's a bit bitter, it's rather flavourful, it's got some hop...but it's more on pretty much all fronts.  Not an attack on your taste buds like the Navigator, but more defined than most, safer pilsners.

Aroma:  Not a particularly defining factor.

Aftertaste:  It's not as complex as the type of beer I tend to prefer, but it doesn't exactly end with a whimper either.

Recommended?:  Yes, to pilsner fans.

Verdict:  Overboard comes off as a bit of a surprise, but overall probably my least favourite of Lighthouse's current trio of their 'Big Flavour' series.  It's certainly worth trying if you wish to try something familiar, if somewhat short of remarkable.

Score:  7 mugs out of 10.


Lighthouse Uncharted IPA

Admittedly also not my photo, but damn is this guy good.

India Pale Ale...how I detest thee.  And how I detest detesting any sort of beer (short of the mainstream schlock).  It's awful to dislike something that should be enjoyed.  IPA is perhaps one of the most important, influential and interesting beer varieties, and, generally speaking, I just do not like it.  I find it to be too hoppy, too harsh.  I enjoy a good extra special bitter, something that provides a large dose of hops and bitterness...but I just find the hops in IPAs to be overwhelming and overpowering, reducing the rest of the beer to irrelevance.

So, who would have thought I could find an IPA that could finally grace the pages of Beer Cruise?  Luckily, I saw the Light...house.  In the form of Uncharted, their newest take on an IPA.

Lighthouse is no stranger to IPA.  They regularly produce the Beacon IPA, they've made a triple IPA, and frankly, I've not cared for either.  This new one, however, is a Belgian style IPA.  My my.  Funny how putting the word "Belgian" in front of things makes them better.  Much like 'Imperial'.  Seems we have a common theme going on tonight.

Uncharted is unlike any IPA I've tried.  It has the hops and the brutality, but it also has a smoother, creamier texture, and I find it more flavourful and refined than any other IPA I've ever tried.  And I do mean ever; this is actually the first IPA I've had that I have genuinely enjoyed.  True, it is not my absolute favourite beer of the season, but good lord is it impressive that the people at Lighthouse have made a beer that I seriously like from a beer type I thoroughly dislike.

Break down time.  Star Trek gifs are best gifs.

Taste:  Hops?  Check.  Bitter?  Check.  Absurdly overwhelming?  Er...negative?  Something's gone down in IPA town.  Smooth Belgian notes clash with harsh and aggressive hops to make something...quite good and rather unique.    

Aroma:  Nice...solid...these are the words that appropriate Uncharted.  It doesn't blow your socks off, but it has a nice smell if you have the nose for it.

Aftertaste:  Like the best parts of a good ESB mixed with a smoother beer that is creamy, complex and somehow...maple-y?  I can't quite explain that last one.

Recommended?:  Yes, absolutely.  Especially if you're an IPA fan, and double especially if you're not.

Verdict:  Lighthouse's Uncharted is pretty special.  It's a beer that I very much enjoyed, but shouldn't have.  It's the sort of thing I think just about any beer fan can enjoy, and I found particularly exciting as it potentially opened new doors into IPA territory for me, where they were closed before.  All-in-all, while not my usual cup of tea, a great beer that must be commended for its, er...greatness.

Score:  8.5 mugs out of 10.






Note:  All beer was tested while on a cruise.
Warning:  No cruisers were harmed during the making of this review.

Let There Be Light(house)

You.  You people.  I'll bet you thought I disliked Victoria's own Lighthouse Brewery after my latest 'slamming' of their Keepers Stout.  But I bloody well told you I didn't, and now I'll bloody well prove it.

With this:  Lighthouse's Navigator Doppelbock.  Prepare yourself.

8.5%.  It's not a number that graces the bottles, cans, boxes or crates of beer very often.  What it is, is a savage and unprecedented assault upon your sobriety.  You think you can handle it?  Think again.  At 650 ml, this one beer will inflict more damage than 2 pints of your average, slim-hipped lager.  And that's just the thing; technically speaking, this is a lager.  Wait what?

Huuuuuuuuuh?

Well okay, it's a dark lager.  But its roots can indeed be traced back to that original anti-Christ of good beer known as lager.  Amazing, what a team of crack brewmasters can do.

The Navigator then...it's probably unlike anything you've tried.  It's an animal.  It hits you with a megaton blast and makes sure you don't forget its unrelenting savagery thereafter, by inflicting you with shocking amounts of alcoholic content.  The taste is like a firestorm of sharp, explosive, malty flavour.  The aftertaste is like having an IV drip filled with battery acid.  Shock value alone makes this beer special.

Luckily, it's actually pretty excellent even once you've already tried it.  And I'd know, because I'm reviewing this based on a second Navigator, this time on a cruise.  True, the weather may be taking a turn for the worse with the coming of winter, but fear not; cruising shall continue.  Studded cruiser tires are already in the pipeline for when things get really cold.  And beyond that...there's always potential for the likes of Beer Ski, Beer Snowshoe, and Beer Hike.  The outdoors and beer were meant to be together; I will not allow a little rain and cold to come between that.

And helping me by lighting the way will be the Navigator.

Nothing.  I just thought this picture was pretty awesome.

Taste:  Have you ever eaten a live grenade?  Yeah, it's something like that.

Aroma:  To be honest, it's nothing surprising.  Not unlike a nut brown ale.

Aftertaste:  Not nearly on the level of the initial wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am flavour of the Navigator, but it leaves a burning, acidic and malty taste behind.

Recommended?:  Negative.  It's mandatory.  

Verdict:  I have a very difficult time trying to think of a beer more shocking than the Navigator.  Doppelbock is traditionally strong, but this is the Arnold Schwarzenegger of beers.  So...get to da choppa!  And then use it to fly to your local liquor store of choice and pick up a Navigator.

Score:  9 mugs out of 10.

   

Red Racer Red Racer Come Give Us a Taster

Yes folks, it's Fall.  And that means pumpkin ale, pumpkin ale, and, you guessed it; yet more pumpkin ale.  Don't like it?  Exits are to your left and right.  They lead to Hell.

So Central City Brewing has been at it again.  I will be the first to admit that their line of beer is not usually among my top picks, if only because they favour the extremely bitter and the extremely hoppy.  While I enjoy their Extra Special Bitter, I can't force myself to like a beer type that I just...don't (IPA).  However, it seems they've been expanding.  They've made a white ale, a wit, a raspberry ale, and now, a pumpkin ale.  Suffice it to say, this may well not be new at all, but I do not recall seeing it last year.  Either way, this is one can of cruising delight to pay attention to.

And speaking of cruising...my god, it's like they designed their logo with Beer Cruise in mind.  Like they could forsee the future, and the future consisted entirely of drunken idiots falling off their cruisers.  And how does one appeal to drunken idiots on bikes?  One puts a scantily clad woman on a bike.  And a true, blue-blooded, authentic and retro cruiser at that!  Hell, the beer could be utter crap and I'd still be lavishing this brewery in endless praise.

I mean just look at her.

LOOK AT HER!

Luckily, their beer is not crap, not even close.  Their ESB and IPA have earned Red Racer a hefty reputation, and their pumpkin ale does not disappoint.  True, it may not have the sheer brutality and flavour of Howe Sound's Pumpkineater, but keep in mind that that is an imperial pumpkin ale, is much more expensive, and only available in the somewhat vulgar 1 litre format.  And yes, I know I have praised the 1 litre Howe Sound 'mini growlers' in the past, and rightly so, because they are great...but not for cruising, or for social gatherings.  When you have a bottle of beer of that enormity all to yourself, people look at you and you just know they are thinking one of two things: 1) "So when does the intervention begin?", or 2) "So when do the men in white coats come to take him away?".

Red Racer's pumpkin ale comes in a completely sensible, albeit slightly red-around-the-neck, 6 pack can form.  And when you look at the price and the surprisingly good taste combined here, it's somewhat more difficult to justify making the Pumpkineater your sole option for the season.

Insert breaking it down remark etc.

Taste:  Surprising.  Not quite on the level of the Pumpkineater, but miles ahead of the offerings from Granville Island and Philips.

Aroma:  Again, falls short of Howe Sound's mastery here, but despair not!  It still smells great, with a heavy aroma of pumpkin and notes of cinnamon and spices.

Aftertaste:  It's not overly complex, but it doesn't fade away like some other flavoured beers either.  It's got lasting appeal.

Recommended?:  No.  Wait...yes.  Yes, that's the one isn't it?  I get those two confused so often I mean I don't even

Verdict:  In terms of sheer value, Red Racer has this market cornered.  It's much better than the premium offerings from some other breweries for a fraction of the price, and it even approaches the greatness of some of the true wizards of pumpkin ale brewing.

Score:  9 mugs out of 10.

Props to This Stout

Russian Imperial Stout, how do I love thee?  Let me count the ways:  you are so dark, you are so heavy, you are so complex, you are so high in alcohol content.

Too lazy to take my own photo.
Deal with it. 

Eh?  What?  Avert your judgmental eyes and instead absorb my wisdom; you'll want to hear what I have to report on this next beer.

The Propeller Revolution Russian Imperial Stout, no less.  A revolution among stouts?  I wouldn't go that far, but it is a freedom fighter nonetheless.

As with any Russian Imperial Stout, this beast from the east is no laughing matter; weighing in at 8%, having a thick and complicated molassesesque consistency, and being dark enough so as to terrify the most steadfast of lager drinker, the Revolution does its duty to the motherland.  While its origin is England, and its namesake is full of communists, er, I mean Russia, it is actually brewed in Halifax.  And here I was thinking they were only good for accidentally detonating warships filled with munitions.

So how does the Revolution differ from other stouts of its type?  Well, like a very good and strong nut brown, it adopts a more acidic, sharper flavour, in place of the sweet-yet-bitter taste of most Russian stouts.  It's interesting, and quite captivating at first.  However, the initial delightful surprise wears off, revealing a stout that, while still rather good, doesn't leave the lasting impression of, oh say, a Steamworks Backhand of God Imperial Stout.  It's leagues away from bad, but somehow that initial shock doesn't quite deliver in the long term.

I'm sure that at this point I'm supposed to do something....  Is it...is it...breaking it down?

Taste:  So you're thinking this is your run-of-the-mill Russian Imperial Stout.  You fool!  Prepare to be dominated!

Aroma:  Pretty much exactly what you'd expect from a RIS.  Molasses?  Check.  Chocolate?  Check.  Coffee?  Double check.

Aftertaste:  Oops.  That initial hammerfist-to-the-face doesn't quite hold up in the long run.  It's certainly not lacking complexity, but it somehow finishes quite differently from what you'd expect from a good stout.  And sadly, not in a way that backs the name Revolution.

Recommended?:  Yessum.  It's interesting, it's a solid RIS, and it's Canadian.  It may well be a bit of the expensive side (5$ for 500 ml), but it's worth at least a try.

Verdict:  Not mind blowing, but an interesting take at any rate.  A slightly acidic, sharp stout among a sea of brethren content with being simply sweet and syrupy.

Score:  7.5 mugs out of 10.

Maltiply That Review!

Today, on this momentous occasion, I bring not one, not two, but THREE glorious, malt-soaked, slightly-intoxicated reviews.

Round 1:

The first victim, er, subject of my review entourage is none other than Lighthouse's Keepers Stout.  First thing's first:  it's a stout.  Surprised?  Good lord, go back to Miller.

Yes yes, a stout, one of my favourite beer varieties.  That means I can be particularly positive or critical of its merits.  In the case of the Keepers Stout, it is a beer I genuinely wanted to love...and frankly, I do not.  Not love, at least.  Don't get me wrong; it's a fine, sturdy stout, but it lacks something.  An X-factor of sorts that makes truly great stouts...well, truly great.

As with any stout, your nasal passages are immediately assaulted by notes of coffee with hints of chocolate, all with a significant dose of malt.  The taste, as well, pushes the right buttons when it comes to a high quality stout.  In theory, this should be great.  However, the end result does not break the 'good' threshold.

Now, before certain lunatic powered factions rally against me for daring to have an opinion of a local microbrewery that isn't outstanding, let me be clear:  I like Lighthouse.  While I don't think all of their creations are necessarily my cup of tea, I genuinely adore certain offerings, such as their Dopplebock (which I highly recommend).  My personal opinion of this individual beer is not indicative of my person opinions of the brewery in question.  I assure you that any breweries that dare attract my wroth shall be appropriately targeted and humiliated on the internet.  It's practically a public de-pansting.

So, the Keepers Stout...not a keeper?  Well, compared to the true 'premium' beers available (those in the 500/650 ml and 1 liter format), I would say no, it isn't.  But, if you're looking for value and quantity, as the Keepers Stout is available in 6 pack format, you could certainly do worse.  It's a very competent stout, but unfortunately, is little more.  Disagree?  Well too bad; make your own blog you bloody charlatan.

Taste:  It works, but it doesn't thrill.  It's like they took the basic formula for a stout, did a good job, but then went home before adding any signature twist.  It lacks...uniqueness.

Aroma:  Honestly, better than the taste.  From just a whiff, you'd expect more than a swig would confirm; the notes of coffee are intense, and the malt and chocolate hints are nearly as apparent. 

Aftertaste:  Perhaps the biggest misstep of the Keepers Stout.  It's...plain.  It's certainly not bad, but stouts tend to be among the most mind-blowing of beer types available...and this just isn't up to the task.

Recommended?:  For quantity, yes.  For quality, no.  There are better, more interesting options available.  And at 5%, it won't even make you fall off your cruiser.  What the hell?

Verdict:  This is the refuge of stout fans looking for quantity, and that's about it.  If you're looking for something to give your taste buds and sobriety a field day, there are better options available.

Score:  6 mugs out of 10.




Round 2, fight!:

Still with me?  Oh I can just feel your judgmental eyes carving into me.  Don't worry; negativity takes a turn for the worse (or would that be better?) in the coming reviews.


Ah, and we come to beer number two, a fascinating and surprising little number.  It's Eye of the Hawk Select Ale from Mendocino Brewing Company.  Never heard of them?  Yeah me neither.  Well, we have now at any rate.


And rightly so, because this is one interesting beer, regardless of your opinions on it.  What at first looks like a regular, red-blooded and frankly predictable amber ale turns out to be a potent, malt-infused, mind-altering liquid of 'Whoa'-producing magnitude.   


Put all preconceptions aside, because this is the single most surprising beer I've tried all season.  When one drinks from a plain-appearing, translucent beer, one expects the same experience as drinking a plain-tasting, translucent beer.  Not so with Eye of the Hawk.  Instead, you get a mouthful of malt that's more shocking than a roundhouse to the face delivered by Chuck Norris.  Don't take my nonsense as hyperbole; this beer is a genuine surprise.  And that's great.  In a world where expectations largely exceed reality, this beer does the opposite.


So while recovering from that absolutely vicious attack upon your senses, you might start to objectively assess this beer.  And one thing I can say is that the malt content, while wonderfully shocking, is perhaps a bit overdone.  It's a bit jarring for a beer like this, for one, and the flavour itself separates it from most beer, making it something that your average mainstreamer would probably be inducted into an insane asylum for.


It's not bad; far from it.  I quite enjoy this beer, but I warn you that it is the genuine article when it comes to pure shock value.  Expect a timid ale, and you will get burned, and thank god that such breweries exist, that are willing to push the envelope in such a way.  And did I mention it weighs in at 8%?


Taste:  If you're not ready for it...well, let's just be fair here; you're not ready for it.  Nothing can really properly prepare you for what awaits beneath that cap.  But once you're over the initial surprise, you'll find an incredibly strong, unbelievably malty beer.

Aroma:  Nowhere near as shocking as the taste, but the smell does not hide the malt.  

Aftertaste:  It's that initial kick-to-the-face that gets you; after that, the flavour is much more conservative.  It finishes nicely, but there's little to report beyond that.

Recommended?:  Absolutely, if you're looking for a real one-two-punch in the beer category.  Absolutely not if you relegate your evenings to drinking out of a can enameled with 'Coors', 'Budweiser', 'Miller' or other similar schlock.

Verdict:  What an interesting beer.  I'll not suggest it's the best thing since sliced bread, nor will I condemn it.  However, what I will say is that it dares to colour outside of the lines, and for that reason alone, you should try Eye of the Hawk. 

Score:  8 mugs out of 10.




Round 3, finish him!:

If you're still with me, you're either the most dedicated of beer drinker, or the most bored of office worker.  Either way, congratulate yourself, and prepare to embark on another beer-fueled cruiser journey.


We come to it at last; St. Amroise's Oatmeal Stout.  Oo-rah!


Do you enjoy breakfast?  Do you enjoy breakfast in a glass?  If you answered 'yes' to either of these questions, you are a suitable candidate for trying St. Amroise's Oatmeal Stout.  If you answered 'no', you're what I like to refer to as a 'potential'.  


Because this here oatmeal stout is rather good indeed.  In fact, good is the wrong word; this beer is hearty deliciousness incarnate.  Doubt my word on this, and you shall be branded a fool and an enemy of the blog.  Enemies of the blog meet on Tuesdays; they serve cake and Granville Island Roflcrap lager, I suggest you join.


Anyways, this oatmeal stout...it's French.  Oops.  Well hold on a minute, I mean the French are responsible for parkour, hot hatchbacks and...and...?  Well, there you have it; a third entry to the legacy of the French.  Only, this is French-Canadian.  Oh dear.

Ah the French.  Such a productive people.

But judge not, because despite its suspicious origins, this beer is excellent.  Trudeau would be proud.          What you get here is an incredibly dense, flavourful and potent stout.  Keeping in mind that serving temperature is crucial (you won't get near the same taste at very cold levels), this oatmeal stout really makes you start to wonder why the French are always known for their penchant with wine, rather than beer.  


St. Amroise is exceptional in general, however; their apricot ale is extremely good as well, and one of my favourites of the summer.  Their oatmeal stout, however, is, if anything, even better.  A true triumph of the idea of the 'breakfast stout'.  And the best bit is that this stout is, like the Keepers Stout, available in 6 pack format.  Beer of this quality is rarely available in the 355 ml bottles.


 Taste:  Sweet with notes of malt.  Strong and intensely flavourful.  The Kellogg's Quaker would be jealous.

Aroma:  Similar to other stouts, but sweet and deeper.

Aftertaste:  As with any good stout, the complexity continues to dance on your palate long after you've put the pint glass down.  You are drinking it out of a pint glass, are you not?  Unless of course you're drinking it on a cruise, in which case you are exempt.

Recommended?:  If you enjoy stouts, you'd be stupid not to try this one.

Verdict:  Perhaps the best combination of value and quality available.  This is one hell of a stout, better than many 'premium' beers out there, but is readily available for much less.

Score:  9 mugs out of 10.