Maltiply That Review!

Today, on this momentous occasion, I bring not one, not two, but THREE glorious, malt-soaked, slightly-intoxicated reviews.

Round 1:

The first victim, er, subject of my review entourage is none other than Lighthouse's Keepers Stout.  First thing's first:  it's a stout.  Surprised?  Good lord, go back to Miller.

Yes yes, a stout, one of my favourite beer varieties.  That means I can be particularly positive or critical of its merits.  In the case of the Keepers Stout, it is a beer I genuinely wanted to love...and frankly, I do not.  Not love, at least.  Don't get me wrong; it's a fine, sturdy stout, but it lacks something.  An X-factor of sorts that makes truly great stouts...well, truly great.

As with any stout, your nasal passages are immediately assaulted by notes of coffee with hints of chocolate, all with a significant dose of malt.  The taste, as well, pushes the right buttons when it comes to a high quality stout.  In theory, this should be great.  However, the end result does not break the 'good' threshold.

Now, before certain lunatic powered factions rally against me for daring to have an opinion of a local microbrewery that isn't outstanding, let me be clear:  I like Lighthouse.  While I don't think all of their creations are necessarily my cup of tea, I genuinely adore certain offerings, such as their Dopplebock (which I highly recommend).  My personal opinion of this individual beer is not indicative of my person opinions of the brewery in question.  I assure you that any breweries that dare attract my wroth shall be appropriately targeted and humiliated on the internet.  It's practically a public de-pansting.

So, the Keepers Stout...not a keeper?  Well, compared to the true 'premium' beers available (those in the 500/650 ml and 1 liter format), I would say no, it isn't.  But, if you're looking for value and quantity, as the Keepers Stout is available in 6 pack format, you could certainly do worse.  It's a very competent stout, but unfortunately, is little more.  Disagree?  Well too bad; make your own blog you bloody charlatan.

Taste:  It works, but it doesn't thrill.  It's like they took the basic formula for a stout, did a good job, but then went home before adding any signature twist.  It lacks...uniqueness.

Aroma:  Honestly, better than the taste.  From just a whiff, you'd expect more than a swig would confirm; the notes of coffee are intense, and the malt and chocolate hints are nearly as apparent. 

Aftertaste:  Perhaps the biggest misstep of the Keepers Stout.  It's...plain.  It's certainly not bad, but stouts tend to be among the most mind-blowing of beer types available...and this just isn't up to the task.

Recommended?:  For quantity, yes.  For quality, no.  There are better, more interesting options available.  And at 5%, it won't even make you fall off your cruiser.  What the hell?

Verdict:  This is the refuge of stout fans looking for quantity, and that's about it.  If you're looking for something to give your taste buds and sobriety a field day, there are better options available.

Score:  6 mugs out of 10.




Round 2, fight!:

Still with me?  Oh I can just feel your judgmental eyes carving into me.  Don't worry; negativity takes a turn for the worse (or would that be better?) in the coming reviews.


Ah, and we come to beer number two, a fascinating and surprising little number.  It's Eye of the Hawk Select Ale from Mendocino Brewing Company.  Never heard of them?  Yeah me neither.  Well, we have now at any rate.


And rightly so, because this is one interesting beer, regardless of your opinions on it.  What at first looks like a regular, red-blooded and frankly predictable amber ale turns out to be a potent, malt-infused, mind-altering liquid of 'Whoa'-producing magnitude.   


Put all preconceptions aside, because this is the single most surprising beer I've tried all season.  When one drinks from a plain-appearing, translucent beer, one expects the same experience as drinking a plain-tasting, translucent beer.  Not so with Eye of the Hawk.  Instead, you get a mouthful of malt that's more shocking than a roundhouse to the face delivered by Chuck Norris.  Don't take my nonsense as hyperbole; this beer is a genuine surprise.  And that's great.  In a world where expectations largely exceed reality, this beer does the opposite.


So while recovering from that absolutely vicious attack upon your senses, you might start to objectively assess this beer.  And one thing I can say is that the malt content, while wonderfully shocking, is perhaps a bit overdone.  It's a bit jarring for a beer like this, for one, and the flavour itself separates it from most beer, making it something that your average mainstreamer would probably be inducted into an insane asylum for.


It's not bad; far from it.  I quite enjoy this beer, but I warn you that it is the genuine article when it comes to pure shock value.  Expect a timid ale, and you will get burned, and thank god that such breweries exist, that are willing to push the envelope in such a way.  And did I mention it weighs in at 8%?


Taste:  If you're not ready for it...well, let's just be fair here; you're not ready for it.  Nothing can really properly prepare you for what awaits beneath that cap.  But once you're over the initial surprise, you'll find an incredibly strong, unbelievably malty beer.

Aroma:  Nowhere near as shocking as the taste, but the smell does not hide the malt.  

Aftertaste:  It's that initial kick-to-the-face that gets you; after that, the flavour is much more conservative.  It finishes nicely, but there's little to report beyond that.

Recommended?:  Absolutely, if you're looking for a real one-two-punch in the beer category.  Absolutely not if you relegate your evenings to drinking out of a can enameled with 'Coors', 'Budweiser', 'Miller' or other similar schlock.

Verdict:  What an interesting beer.  I'll not suggest it's the best thing since sliced bread, nor will I condemn it.  However, what I will say is that it dares to colour outside of the lines, and for that reason alone, you should try Eye of the Hawk. 

Score:  8 mugs out of 10.




Round 3, finish him!:

If you're still with me, you're either the most dedicated of beer drinker, or the most bored of office worker.  Either way, congratulate yourself, and prepare to embark on another beer-fueled cruiser journey.


We come to it at last; St. Amroise's Oatmeal Stout.  Oo-rah!


Do you enjoy breakfast?  Do you enjoy breakfast in a glass?  If you answered 'yes' to either of these questions, you are a suitable candidate for trying St. Amroise's Oatmeal Stout.  If you answered 'no', you're what I like to refer to as a 'potential'.  


Because this here oatmeal stout is rather good indeed.  In fact, good is the wrong word; this beer is hearty deliciousness incarnate.  Doubt my word on this, and you shall be branded a fool and an enemy of the blog.  Enemies of the blog meet on Tuesdays; they serve cake and Granville Island Roflcrap lager, I suggest you join.


Anyways, this oatmeal stout...it's French.  Oops.  Well hold on a minute, I mean the French are responsible for parkour, hot hatchbacks and...and...?  Well, there you have it; a third entry to the legacy of the French.  Only, this is French-Canadian.  Oh dear.

Ah the French.  Such a productive people.

But judge not, because despite its suspicious origins, this beer is excellent.  Trudeau would be proud.          What you get here is an incredibly dense, flavourful and potent stout.  Keeping in mind that serving temperature is crucial (you won't get near the same taste at very cold levels), this oatmeal stout really makes you start to wonder why the French are always known for their penchant with wine, rather than beer.  


St. Amroise is exceptional in general, however; their apricot ale is extremely good as well, and one of my favourites of the summer.  Their oatmeal stout, however, is, if anything, even better.  A true triumph of the idea of the 'breakfast stout'.  And the best bit is that this stout is, like the Keepers Stout, available in 6 pack format.  Beer of this quality is rarely available in the 355 ml bottles.


 Taste:  Sweet with notes of malt.  Strong and intensely flavourful.  The Kellogg's Quaker would be jealous.

Aroma:  Similar to other stouts, but sweet and deeper.

Aftertaste:  As with any good stout, the complexity continues to dance on your palate long after you've put the pint glass down.  You are drinking it out of a pint glass, are you not?  Unless of course you're drinking it on a cruise, in which case you are exempt.

Recommended?:  If you enjoy stouts, you'd be stupid not to try this one.

Verdict:  Perhaps the best combination of value and quality available.  This is one hell of a stout, better than many 'premium' beers out there, but is readily available for much less.

Score:  9 mugs out of 10.