Bockolate Chip

'Tis the season to develop bad eating habits and lose touch with your current fitness level.

So I thought the best thing to do in order to celebrate this momentous time of year would be to drink beer, and make cookies...with beer in them.  Oh yes.  Alcohol always makes the holidays more enjoyable (see:  tolerable).  But wait, what place do cookies have on a beer blog?  Well, first of all, they contain beer, so they are naturally eligible for Beer Cruise treatment.  Secondly, this is my blog...and here, I am god.  Deal with it.  Dot jpg.

How does one go about reviewing a batch of cookies in a manner similar to that of a beer at any rate?  Well, exactly the same, to be frank.  Let's discuss, shall we?  The cookies in question were birthed from a recipe posted on Vancouver Island Brewery's Facebook page.

...I think you can see where this is going.

Yes, these are indeed Hermannator cookies.  Delicious chocolaty treats infused with ice bock containing 9.5% alcohol?  Sign me up.  Seeing as how I am less than incompetent in the kitchen, and able to (usually) cook or bake without setting fire to myself or others, they turned out quite well.  Perhaps not perfect, but I will review them as such at any rate.

First thing's first (as if it could be second); these are not the easiest cookies to make.  The actual beer portion involves simmering 2 bottles of Hermmanator and brown sugar until it becomes a very thick syrup.  This is something of a long, smelly and messy process.  You also have to have the utmost care in not burning the syrup once it thickens, which is very easy to do.  Even once you've mixed it all together, the batter is not entirely like other cookie batters; it's extremely thick and crumbly, which might cause you to question your culinary methods. Worry not, however, because it ultimately works out in the end if you've made it this far.

But I digress, I'm not here to give instructions on baking; I'm here to give my opinion on beer infused cookies.  In short?  They're pretty darn good.  Perhaps not with an overwhelming beer flavour that you may expect or hope for, but that molasses-like maltiness is certainly there.  It's very much like a regular chocolate chip cookie, only with a special party piece.

In terms of aroma, it's a bit of a mixed bag.  On one hand, that smell of molasses mixed with chocolate can be quite nice, while on the other hand, even the slightest whiff of burned sections is less than pleasant.  And you will get burned segments, if only small bits, unless you're Gordon Ramsey.

All-in-all, however, these cookies are fairly delicious.  I'm not entirely convinced they're worth all the fuss, mess and effort involved, but perhaps with some refinement (or more experienced baking prowess), the process could be made more efficient.  It's a fun little endeavour to attempt, one way or the other.

Taste:  Chocolate, malt, molasses...need I go on?  If you dislike any of these things, may I first suggest you are on the wrong bloody blog, and may I next suggest you remove your tongue from your mouth for it has betrayed you.

Aroma:  As previously stated, it's a bit of a toss-up.  You've got some lovely chocolate and malt aromatics going on, but even small bits of burned syrup smell sort of awful.

Aftertaste:  There's little to report in terms of complexity.  The chocolate ends up overpowering the malt in the end, but it's still a slightly unusual flavour for a cookie that, in the end, does linger quite nicely.

Recommended?:  If someone offers you one?  Yes, absolutely.  If you're thinking of baking a batch, just be warned that they're a bit of a pain in the arse.

Verdict:  Get Hermannated all over again this holiday season.  I think this would be a great idea for group beer tastings, or even as a form of baked good gifting to fellow beer connoisseurs.  Hell, you don't even have to enjoy beer to like these nuggets of goodness.  Frankly, I'm not entirely sure if they're entirely worth the effort beyond making a single batch for kicks, but let's be serious here; these are chocolate chip cookies with beer in them.  What the hell do you think I think of them?

Score:  8 bites out of 10.

I Now Pronounce You Beer and Coffee

There are two beverages that the civilized world acknowledges as supreme above all else.  The first is, without question, beer.  This arcane liquid has been with us for many thousands of years, evolving from a primitive form that fueled ancient Egyptian labour forces during the construction of the pyramids, into a tonic of complexity in this modern era of microbrewery creativity.  The second is undoubtedly coffee.  With a history nearly as rich as that of beer, and a flavour to match, coffee has been known as 'black gold' by some.

Both these substances have complex and varied flavours.  Both offer wondrous mind-and-body-altering effects. Both come in a variety of shades of darkness and intensities.  Both are for connoisseurs.  Both have been raped by trashy mainstream corporations that sell poor products to philistines.



So what happens when the planets align, and these two beverages...become one?  Something quite magical.

Such is the case with Midnight Sun, a (so far as I know) new beer from a brewery I have only just discovered; Yukon Brewing.  What this beer is is an Espresso Stout.  Now, pick yourself up off the floor and read on.  The pairing is not exactly unusual, as any good stout should draw some parallels to coffee.  However, it's the intensity in that coffee taste where Midnight Sun *ahem*...rises above the competition.

The result is something that combines the best of both worlds for the learned pub-goer, and the cerebral artist-at-heart enjoying a lazy afternoon at the local coffee house.  An odd, yet welcome, combination of mental stimulation and muscle relaxation.

And that is just the metaphysical sensations.  What your senses actually experience is a whole other story.  Immediately, the aroma will take you by surprise.  As with any good coffee, you'll probably end up enjoying the wafting aromatic flavours as much as the liquid itself.  Luckily, the taste is no slouch.  Even by the standards of a big stout enthusiast, which I am, Midnight Sun hits all the right buttons.  It's not remotely lazy, cheap or boring, all of which is somewhat surprising for an emerging brewery that has released this in a standard priced 6 pack format.  Yes, you can get an extremely high quality espresso stout in 355 ml bottles for a reasonable price.  Pick yourself up off the floor again; you're embarrassing yourself, alright?

Ball = Midnight Sun.  Face = your face.

Taste:  A terrific fusion of strong coffee and strong beer.  I feel like a slightly higher alcohol content (weighing in currently at 6.5%) could contribute to a more impactful effect, but it's still nonetheless a great stout.

Aroma:  Bam.  You want a more thorough explanation?  Brew up a fresh pot of coffee, make sure it's nice and hot, then smash the carafe over your head.

Aftertaste:  One of the greatest things about this beer is that there is absolutely zero unfavourable aftertastes.  Even in some of my favourite beers, there have been just hints of something unpleasant.  Not so here.

Recommended?:  That's a big 10-4.

Verdict:  Yukon Brewing...you are officially on my radar.  What an incredible (and ballsy) beer to kick off with.  Yes, they have a red ale (or amber or something) available as well, but the point is this is a serious beer for serious beer snobs that demand a serious ass-kicking.  And that...is bloody commendable.

Score:  9.5 mugs out of 10.  Yeah yeah, it's another outrageously high score, but you know what? Just 

Viva la Unibroue

Yep...that's a cork.

I had a difficult time trying to really classify this next beer, and fabricating my thoughts on it into mortal words.  Having a brainwave, I then solved this dilemma by putting on my comfy headphones, visiting Digitally Imported, streaming some rather nice chillout music, and reexamining what is perhaps the most startling, and indeed one of the very best, of the many beers I've had this year.

This beer hails from Quebec's Unibroue Chambly brewery.  Yes, the French have made it onto my beer blog a second time, and indeed this one is excellent as well.  Apparently lightning can strike the same place twice.  The beer in question is Trois Pistoles, and is, in fact, the first beer from this brewery that I've tried.  Yes, I do believe that was the sound of several dozen beer connoisseurs extending their bottle openers, fully intent on gouging my eyes out with their collective bluntness.  If that wasn't bad enough, my second sin is that I knew very little of Unibroue besides that they were from Quebec.  I'd always passed on their beer because of the wine-esque look of their bottles, and the somehow pretentious looking labels, as opposed to many of the tongue-in-cheek goofy labels on most microbrew beers.  What a mistake that was, and one that is being rectified.

Truth is, this is not just a great beer, it's one of the greats.  And how wonderful was it that my expectations were reasonably high, if not exactly immense, yet were shattered all the same?  I love being surprised by beer, and Trois Pistoles did exactly that.  For what it is (a mild dark ale) it's about as close to perfection as I can see anything coming.  It smashes homerun performance on all fronts; taste, aroma, aftertaste, hell, even value (6 bucks for a 750 ml bottle of 9% excellence?  Sign me up!).

If there was a complaint to be had about the beer, it does hearken back to that small comment about pretentiousness.  This beer is pretty much exactly that.  Excellent as it is, don't expect people to give you anything but weird looks and snickers (no not the chocolate kind) when you pull out a bottle of beer with a cork in it, then proceed to explain the subtle nuances of the complex taste, the proper serving temperature, and explain the backstory behind the label art and name.  True, those elements exist for all beer, but somehow it seems much more serious and urgent with this line of beer.  This is something for the true connoisseur, and should not be exposed to mainstreamers for fear of mockery (albeit mockery from mainstream dummies is not worth much to the discerning mind) and/or the possibility of making the craft beer world appear intimidating to those attempting to break out of the mainstream.

BUT, I digress, these 'issues' have nothing to do with the quality of the beer; they are social stigmas.  If you're looking for an incredible beer, look no further.  If you're looking for something to bring to a party or impress the women folk, this is perhaps not the best option, but you could certainly find a middle ground between David Attenborough and Justin Bieber.  If you can't figure out who represents what...well just what are you doing on my blog?

Well done Quebec.  I take back at least 40% of the bad things I've said about you.

And no, this is not a good beer to cruise with.

Taste:  Not what you'd expect from an extremely dark beer, but my god is it good.  Slightly fruity and sweet, incredibly smooth, not harsh in the slightest, yet very strong and hearty; certainly a terrific choice for the coming cold weather.

Aroma:  Wow.  Believe me when I say this is, without a doubt, one of the most aromatic beers I've ever come in contact with.  Like the taste, you can detect fruity, sweet notes, and it has a whiff of port to it.

Aftertaste:  Complex and nigh-on everlasting.  It's ridiculous how long the flavour lingers, and how it never wears out its welcome.  Just great.

Recommended?:  Yes, but shut the curtains, lock the doors and don't let anyone see you.  This is a beer for you.

Verdict:  Unibroue has made something amazing, which will probably come as no huge surprise to any fan of the brewery, as they've got a reputation as outstanding as Molson's lack of integrity.  Don't forgo this beer because of its seemingly pretentious nature; it's...incredible.

Score:  10 mugs out of 10.  And quite honestly, I was half-tempted to pull that great big journalistic no-no and give this an 11 out of 10.

You Are Hermannated!

Seasonals sure are swell, aren't they?  They give breweries a green light to do all sorts of crazy nonsense that they wouldn't otherwise try.  And as it turns out, Vancouver Island Brewery is no stranger to crazy nonsense.

Ah the Hermannator, an old favourite.  Yes, I will freely admit that this beer is not new to me; I've actually been looking forward to its glorious and triumphant return in order to review it.  And lo and behold it has done as much.  I swiftly responded by purchasing not one, but two cases of the magical brew.  Unlike our friend Ah-nold, I can self-Hermannate.

The Hermannator is an ice bock, a very flavourful variant on VIB's regularly produced Herman's Dark Lager (hence the name, in case you spent one too many semesters in that remedial class of yours).  It's somewhat similar to Lighthouse's Navigator, but has its own flair.  And if that wasn't enough, it's even more powerful, coming in at a staggering 9.5%.  9.5%!  This is a beer that comes in 355 ml bottles!  It's a tad more expensive than your usual 6 bottle case, but the price of admission is more than worth it.  Since this is a seasonal, if you value this sort of intense flavour and savage alcoholic content, I would highly recommend stockpiling.  Kind of like a bear preparing for hibernation, only you'll be preparing for many winter nights being kept warm by Christmas cheer and a blood-alcohol level far exceeding 0.08.

But the most important question of all drifts ominously above our collective heads; how does this bock function as a cruising chap's beer of choice?  Well, quite frankly, it does so perfectly.  It is, in fact, probably one of the best cruising beers available.  Why?  Let me count the ways.  First, it's available in the convenient 355 ml format, making transportation much more convenient than the larger, premium beers.  Second, it's a bock, a dark lager, so the temperature should be just right by the time you decide to crack it.  Third...well, it's the elephant in the room; the alcohol content.  There's no point in drinking a weak and pathetic beer on a beer cruise, so it's only fitting that this beer boasts the power of two lesser malt beverages packed into the same size of bottle.  And that, friends, is a recipe for many happy cruises.

I must admit that I find myself at a bit of an impasse giving yet another glowing review.  True, I had anticipated giving as much to the Hermannator, since it's a repeat customer in the realm of my mouth, but I've come to realize that I've yet to review a bad beer, and only a handful have received lukewarm receptions.  Believe me when I say that the bad beer is out there, but also believe me when I say I find it harder to be passionate in writing a review for a beer that either bores me or disgusts me, rather than a beer I find surprising, unique or outright amazing.  I think a bad beer review is something that needs to happen, but the beer in question will have to be bad, and I'm not talking about reviewing mainstream schlock either; that would be cheating.  I would love to hear suggestions on what bad beers to try, whether they be breweries as a whole or perhaps a bad apple from a good tree (warning: not to be mistaken as a stab at Tree Brewing).

Well well well, without further adieu...

Taste:  A proper wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, much like Lighthouse's dopplebock, but I find it to be slightly less intense, though sharper and somehow more acidic.  And then there's that alcohol content...

Aroma:  Eclipsed by the flavour, the aroma is not a huge selling point.  

Aftertaste:  Tapers off more quickly than a stout or porter, but still leaves a nice near-burning sensation afterwards.

Recommended?:  Yes.

Verdict:  The Hermannator is a classic.  It embodies the greatness of seasonal beer while being extremely good value.  It's the crown jewel of Vancouver Island Brewery, which is a touch sad, as it's only available for such a relatively short period of time.

Score:  9 mugs out of 10.